英语搞笑句子

英语搞笑句子

Moneyisnoteverything.There‘sMastercard&Visa.
钞票不是万能的，有时还需要信用卡。

Oneshouldloveanimals.Theyaresotasty.
每个人都应该热爱动物，因为它们很好吃。

Savewater.Showerwithyourgirlfriend.
要节约用水，尽量和女友一起洗澡。

Lovetheneighbor.Butdon‘tgetcaught.
要用心去爱你的邻居，不过不要让她的老公知道。

Behindeverysuccessfulman,thereisawoman.Andbehindeveryunsuccessfulman,therearetwo.
每个成功男人的背后，都有一个女人。每个不成功男人的背后，都有两个。

Everymanshouldmarry.Afterall,happinessisnottheonlythinginlife.
再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚，幸福不是永久的嘛。

Childreninbackseatscauseaccidents.Accidentsinbackseatscausechildren.
后排座位上的小孩会生出意外，后排座位上的意外会生出小孩。

"Yourfuturedependsonyourdreams."Sogotosleep.
“现在的梦想决定着你的将来”，所以还是再睡一会吧。

Thereshouldbeabetterwaytostartadaythanwakingupeverymorning.
应该有更好的方式开始新一天，而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来。

"Hardworkneverkilledanybody."Butwhytaketherisk?"
“努力工作不会导致死亡！”不过我不会用自己去证明。

"Workfascinatesme."Icanlookatitforhours!"
“工作好有意思耶！”尤其是看着别人工作。

Whentwo‘scompany,three‘stheresult!
两个人的状态是不稳定的，三个人才是

晓得咯！在一起就好了

One good turn deserves another I was having dinner at a restaurant whenHarry Steele came in. Harry worked in a lawyer's office years ago, but he is now working at a bank. He gets a good salary, but he always borrows money from his friends and never pays it back. Harry saw me and came and sat at the same table. He has never borrowed money from me. While he was eating, I asked him to lend me &2. To my surprise, he gave me the money immediately. 'I have never borrrowed any money from you,' Harry said,'so now you can pay for my dinner!' 我正在一家饭馆吃饭，托尼.斯蒂尔走了进来。托尼曾在又家律师事务所工作，而现在正在一家银行上班，他的薪水很高，但他却总是向朋友借钱，并且从来不还。托尼看见了我，就走过来和我坐到一张桌子前。他从未向我借过钱，但他吃饭时，我提出向他借20英镑。令我惊奇的是，他立刻把钱给了我。“我还未向你借过钱。”托尼说道，“所以现在你可以替我付饭钱了！” 好消息＆坏消息！ An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings." "That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor." Difference "I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles. "When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down." 区 别 “研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说‘下午好’，本科生们回答说‘下午好’。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。” Charge for Bread and Butter Some years ago, my dad, an attorney, took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City. When the bill arrived, there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter. Dad paid the bill, including the charge for bread and butter. However, the next day, he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for. Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services. Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked, "What is this $500 bill for? We never ordered any legal services." Dad replied, "I never ordered any bread and butter." The $1.50 was returned without delay. 面包和黄油费 几年前，我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆。帐单上来时，上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费。爸爸付了帐，连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了。但是第二天，他给餐馆寄了一封信，说那项收费是没有道理的。随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单。 餐馆马上打来电话，问道：“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事？我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务。” 爸爸答道，“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油。” 那1.5美元立即就寄了回来。 Sleeping Pills Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills. Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning." "That's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you Monday and Tuesday?" 安眠药 鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。 星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

老妈叫我翻译!!!(超强爆笑) 今天我正在看碟，老妈又捧了本书进来，说道：给我讲讲这几句话什么意思 　　老妈：这个“i don’t know.“是什么意思？ 　　我说：“我不知道” 　　老妈：送你上大学上了几年，你怎么什么都不知道！！ 　　我说：不是！就是“我不知道”吗！ 　　老妈：还嘴硬！！！！$@％!#$^&％#$％@$％@#$％!^％^!^％$^#&..(一顿爆揍) 　　老妈：你在给我说说这个。“i know.“是什么意思你该知道吧，给我说说。 　　我说：是“我知道“ 　　老妈：知道就快说。 　　我说：就是“我知道“ 　　老妈：找茬呀你？刚才收拾你收拾的轻了是不？ 　　我说：就是我知道呀！ 　　老妈：知道你还不说！！不懂不要装懂！&*$％^@$#!％$@^％#*$^^^##$％(又一顿爆揍) 　　老妈：你给我小心点，花那么多钱送你上大学，搞的现在什么都不会，会那么一丁点东西还跟老娘摆谱，再问你最后一个，你给我好好解释一下，说不出来我在收拾你，你给我翻译一下“i know but i don’t want to tell you.“是什么意思？ 　　我晕倒，拿起枕头往头上爆砸三十几下，用头撞墙四十多下，双手轮番抽自己嘴巴五十多下，用腿踢桌子角六十多下，血肉模糊之时，我问老妈：这下你满意吧 　　　这不她老人家又来问我了:“儿啊,i`m very annoyance,don`t tuouble me .是什么意思啊~?“ 　　我:“我很烦,别烦我“ 　　老妈:“找打,跟你妈这么说话“(于是被扁) 　　老妈又问;“i hear nothing,repeat. 是what意思啊“ 　　我说:“我没听清,再说一次“ 　　老妈又说了一遍:i hear nothing,repeat“ 　　“我没听清,再说一次“ 　　结果被扁 　　老妈再问:“what do you say “又怎么解释呢“ 　　我说:“你说什么“(再次被扁) 　　老妈再问:“look up in the dictionary“是何意啊’ 　　我说:“查字典“ 　　“查字典我还问你做甚“(被扁) 　　老妈又问:you had better ask some body.怎么翻呢“ 　　我说:“你最好问别人“ 　　“你是我儿子,我问别人干吗,又找打.“ 　　“啊!god save me !“ “上帝救救我吧!” 　　“耍你老妈玩,上帝也救不了你!(被扁) 　　我再问你:“use you head,then think it over,又是什么意思啊!“ 　　我说:“动动脑子,再仔细想想.“ 　　“臭小子,还敢耍我“接着又要动手 　　我连忙说:“是世上只有妈妈好的意思” 　　“嗯,这还差不多,一会我给你做好吃的,明天再问你”