psychologyI always feel ashamed and embarrassed all of a sud

psychology
I always feel ashamed and embarrassed all of a sudden even I am all alone.And I speak to myself immediately.Sometimes I say I will die.Sometimes I say I will kill you,or I will kill all of you,or sizzle,sizzle...And even worse,sometimes I imagine I was wrestling with a young man and wonder how I can pierce his chest with the sword in my hand.And also,I can see myself inside a building and looking at everything with hatred and eager to destroy everything.And strangely,I sometimes show feebleness instead of hatred .I prefer kneeling down and it seems that only in this way can I feel relaxed and can my soul return to my body.I know that it matters self- esteem so I hardly do that.As I can remember,I did that once.
I wonder what pressure it is that forced me to do these without thinking.I wonder how I can change this situation.
please help.

You be a sign of autism.Try to scatter your strength,not overmuch thinking.Looking for some self oneself like to do.Many communicate with others in cosmetics.skin-care inner pressure,to reasonably commentate pressure!