帮忙修改下我的英语征文

我参加了2010译林杯英语征文比赛了，写好了文章，但因为放假，没有老师，所以希望各位提点宝贵意见给我的征文。谢谢。

the diversity of my university life Look! There is a rainbow! On the first day of my university life, when I walked into the campus, there was a rainbow bridging over the fountain, I hadn’t seen rainbow for a long time. I was so excited, and leaped high with joy. My ponytail danced with my happiness. It was a propitious sign indicated that my life in university would be colorful, and actually it is! After my entry into university, I found my life so busy. What I should do is not only gaining the scholarship but also being a good monitor and leader of shanghai university percussion band. I got the 1st and 2nd price of scholarship in my 2 years of study. I organized charity donations for schoolmates with financial difficulty or disease. Every week, I give drum lesson to new members of our percussion band. And there are always a lot of non-business performances, such as entertaining guests, celebrating party, cultural exchange with foreign students delegations and their bands. Of course, part-time job is indispensable in my vacations. I ask for no payment but aim at getting accustomed to the society. Sometimes, my friends advise me not to tire myself out with such a tight schedule. I wake up before the rooster crow, and continue working till very late when others are enjoying their sweet dreams. Every time I come back from the rehearsal of percussion band, I have to finish my homework with the help of my own charged light because of the blackout in out dormitory. Maybe such kind of life is something like an ascetic, but we should work hard and try hard in our youth, aren’t we? When I represented shanghai university to take part in the POND’s new century lady competition held in May, when I show off on the stage, when I emerged as “the girl of vitality”, I m