求牛人批改托福作文，拜托拜托～

求牛人批改托福作文，拜托拜托～

我把看不懂或觉得变扭的地方括起来了 我是上国际学校的...有时候改的有点苛刻，请谅解。。不一定是语法上问题，要听上去舒服。
虽然说写作才28分。。不过我口语也28- -还能算是母语的。

The choice between choosing a roomate on their own or through the help from the university has been difficult for many students indeed. While roomates assigned by officials may bring one a lot of surprise and an opportunity to get in touch with people from different layers and cultural background, I nonetheless prefer to share a dormitory with someone I pick on my own.

(probably will broaden one’s horizon, as opponents may point out) 这个不合适，很Chinglish...
First of all, roommates chosen on one’s own would be more acceptable. Since first impressions play a significant role in a relationship, for two person to chose each other as roomates would definitely leave an excellent first impression. By contrast, if a person's roomate is assigned by the university, which might turn out to be catastrophic, would certainly incite offense or even conflict due to a sense of defiance towards unfamiliarity. (sense to defend called defense mechanism in psychology完全看不懂...) 这里还要一个举例。否则paragraph不完整。
Moreover, most students know exactly what type of roomates would be most perfect them, whereas universities know little about it. The roommates would be able to share the same interests, ideas, goals or even schedules of which the university would never be able to plan. If two had nothing in common or having conflicts on a particular idea or topic, what will happen then? Due to the huge gap of habits, a student named Ma Jiajue has recently murdered his roommate with a knife during the night in Yunnan, China. (这个例子太极端，不好理解，完全是吵架事故这类的...) What’s worse is that the quantities of similar affairs are still happening all over the world everyday, thus indicating that it is harmful and dangerous for students to share a room with a wrong person. Hence, to avoid this kind of tragedy I do hold a strong bias in choosing my roommate on my own.
求采纳···

China要大写啊~