请高手批改雅思作文!task1,test3,剑桥5

请高手批改雅思作文!task1,test3,剑桥5
正文：The map illustrates the two possible locations for a new planned supermarket(S) for the town of Garlson whose population is 65,000.
It can be seen clearly from the map that the Garlson town is made up of four parts.In the middle is the town centre,surrounded by the housing part at each the north and south side of which is an industrial part.All of the above three parts are surroundede by the countryside as a whole.
Both the two possible sites for the new supermarket,S1 and S2,have a railway nearby.The difference of the two locations are as follows.S2 is in the town centre and it has access to three main roads to three places(Hindon,Bransdon and Cransdon) with a total population of 54,000.However,S1 located in the countrside with only one main road available to Hindon(population,10,000).
It is easy to draw a conclusion from the map that,in comparison with S1,S2 is relatively better in terms of transportation available and the number of people the new supermarket may serve.

应该说语言的应用应该算是成功的.但文章的解题思路有些乱,这也是流程图的大忌.此图应从S1和S2周边的基础设施分类来分析,不用特别涉及到哪个具体城镇来,否则就会失去整体感.因为凌乱.所以本文是5.5 分
The map illustrates the two possible locations for a new planned supermarket(S) for the town of Garlson whose population is 65,000.
It can be seen clearly from the map that the Garlson town is made up of four parts. In the middle is the town centre,surrounded by the housing part at each the north and south side of which is an industrial part./这句话很混乱,可以调整为：situated in the middle, the town center is surrounded by an industrial part in both north and south side.All of the above three parts are surroundede by the countryside as a whole.
Both the two possible sites for the new supermarket,S1 and S2,have a railway nearby.The difference of the two locations are as follows.S2 is in the town centre and it has access to three main roads to three places(Hindon,Bransdon and Cransdon) with a total population of 54,000.However,S1 located in the countrside with only one main road available to Hindon(population,10,000).
It is easy to draw a conclusion from the map that, in comparison with S1,S2 is relatively better in terms of transportation available and the number of people the new supermarket may serve.