能不能给我几个《Funny people》中的经典对白

翻译或者没翻译过的都可以

giving something
away you know

Okay

So

There's something
I've really been wanting
to tell you George

Uhoh

Yeah

I feel as though you need
to tell someone other than me
about your condition

I don't want to do that

George
people care about you

You have to let them
be there for you

I tell somebody
then it's all gonna change
and you can't get it back

Everything's
already changed George

and the truth is
soon you're gonna
start getting very sick

and you are gonna want
someone other than me there

I mean have you
Have you even told
your parents yet?

My parents are
in their mids

They would drop dead
if they heard about this

Friends You must want
to tell your friends

I don't really
have any friends

I have people
I shoot the shit with
and **** around with

but there's nobody
I'm really close with

I've got showbiz friends

Andy Dick isn't a friend
He's just a guy you know

You're my closest friend
and I don't even like you

You have to tell
someone other than me man

I can't be
the only one who knows

I've never dealt
with anything like this

All my grandparents
are alive

Listen
this is not your job to cry
Your job is to not cry

I'm just trying
to talk to you
mantoman George

As a man you are
crying right now

I'm not crying

People are gonna think
we just broke up
or something Ira

Stop doing what
you're doing

Okay I'll stop

You're causing a scene
You're making
crazy faces now Ira

Open your eyes
Stop crying

You're making noises now?
You look like
the Incredible Hulk

Jesus
you're spitting
on my shrimp

you asshole
I'm sorry

God I'm sorry

Come on
Wipe it off

Jesus Christ

I'm sorry I just don't know

This is the worst

Why didn't I just get hit
by a ****ing foul ball?

You ruined The Palm
you ****ing ass

This could have been
the best meal ever

Should I get you
ice chips or something?

No I'm good

You never had any kids huh?

No No
We didn't get to that

I have three

I know

Three kids to carry
on the Dick legacy

How the hell did you have
any kids with all
the penises you've blown?

I sucked my own dick
and spit it
into their vagina

I mean knowing that
Most people just go
through life asleep anyways

Some of those people
don't even wake up
until they get you know

the Dr Death call
you know

"This is Dr Death!
You're going to die"

"Don't
be afraid George

"It's just Death calling
Cheer up mother****er!"

Yeah
Fuck negativity

Fuck it in the ass
with a Chinese monkey!

I wish I wasn't
so ****ing angry
with you right now

Well I'm sorry
I'm sorry I wasn't
a good brother

You were
a terrible brother

You just left us
and you didn't care

You didn't give
a shit about us

You don't even give a
You moved to Kansas

Am I supposed
to visit you in Kansas?
Yes

I thought that's
why you moved there
so you didn't get visitors

You're so ****ing selfish

I know

You've only seen my son
like three times

I send him ****ing
DVDs all the time

He doesn't want your DVDs

He wants you to be
a part of his life

He wants to be
a part of yours

Wow This has been great

I want to call Dad now
and just have
more family time

What did we
ever do to you?
I'm not Dad

You are right

You're very very nice
and I'm sorry
I don't know your son

I'm sorry I don't
know you anymore

I'm glad you
don't know me

I wish I did

You'd be let down
believe me

Oh man

Oh God

Who's that?

That's the girl
I was gonna marry

but then she
smartened up

So she's
and she's six

So cute

Jeez she looks like you
the little one huh?

Yeah

What's the matter?
Your guy doesn't
have any DNA in him?

That's all Laura

They fight a lot
but they're cute

Yeah
Thank you so much
for coming here

I wanted to come
I wanted to see you

You didn't have
to come here

You didn't have to
I know it's
stressful for you

I'm just
I'm just
I'm so sorry

I'm so sorry about
everything I did

You don't have to be sorry
That was years ago

Everything worked out
for the best

It's good
Look at your life
This is great

Yes It's the best life
I hate it I hate it all

I haven't been
You don't hate it

I'm addicted to it I guess
I keep doing it

Hello Wayne This is Ira
I'm calling to say

I don't think today
is a good day for you
to come by and see George

Maybe tomorrow So I'll give
you a call when I know
what the schedule looks like

Thank you
I'll talk to you soon

You have a family now
You have a family now

I'm so happy
You did the right thing
You moved on

You got a good life

And And I just
got nothing Laura
I hate that

I hate that it could
have been me with you

Don't do that please?

I'm sorry I just ****ing

You I could have
had those kids with you

How could you cheat on me?
I was so hot

You were
You were so hot
I don't know

I was hot!

I don't even know what
the **** I was doing

I was just a stupid idiot
I don't remember anybody else

What was wrong with you?
I don't remember
anybody else

I only remember you
I don't know

I don't even know
who they were
who ****ing ruined us

They're not in
my brain ever
It's like it didn't happen

The only thing
that happened was us

And you ran away
'cause you had to

I had to go

At the time I just
couldn't do it anymore

Yeah
But you know
what I realized?

I love my husband

but it's just not the same

And I loved you
so much and

I know I know
I know I know

I have the same thing
I have the same thing

Don't feel bad
Don't feel bad

I love you I love you
I always loved you

And the crazy thing is
he cheats on me too

I hate

He's like an Australian you

I ****ing hate this guy
Is he crazy?

It's just that
you were the one

Just you are
Were Are the love

Love of my life
And I just love you

Yeah the hug
was a mistake
wasn't it?

You're not sick are you?

You're just doing that
to get me down here huh?

There are those
hands again

My big hands

Always made
my penis look small

Thank you hands
for that complex

Yes Jeez

The two of them together
it was a guaranteed dwarfing
Okay

Yeah

That was worth it

We're into overtime now
just so you know

Jeez
that came quick

I wish that you guys
were really my friends

and I didn't
have to pay you
to jam with me

All right
so let's keep going then

All my little
plans and schemes

Lost like some
forgotten dream

Seems like all I

Diego
Yes George?

The roses
look terrific

Thank you
They sure
look beautiful

Only a guy with a big cock
like you could make roses
this beautiful

Don't need to be alone

No need to be alone

It's real love
It's real

Yes it's real love

You doing standup at all?

This is actually
the first time I've left
the house in three years

But I will sometimes
in my house

in front of my kids
I'll do five six minutes

Not good stuff
It's a lot of "Where
you from?" You know

But you know
all kidding aside

I know you're
in a terrible
situation

but even with that
you look so much
better than him

The Kingdom
of Heaven is
is in your hands

I don't expect
for you to awake
from your dreams

We watched your
last movie on video

A man who is funny
doesn't have to work blue

You don't
You don't have to do
trash to be funny

I'll tell you who was
a great comedian

Please say me Who?

Jackie Gleason

Yeah of course

You like him
'cause you look
like Art Carney

Gleason was terrific
And you ain't so bad

All right
Thank you Pop
I know

It's real

It's real love oh yeah

It's real love yeah

It's real love
It's real

I think I played it
all wrong Ira

I played it all wrong

Okay He's here
We saw each other
Let me answer it Mark

Stop
Let me answer it
Mark man

Move *****!

Hey George Simmons Hey

Hey what's up?

Happy Thanksgiving
Hey!

Mark
Leo is the name I got

How are you?
Yeah yeah Yo Teach!

That's right!
Yeah right

Oh boy

That movie's the best
'cause you're a man
then you're a baby

and then you learn
to be a man once
you be You need

It takes becoming a baby
to learn how to become a man

Yeah Can we get you
a drink or some food?

No no no
Let me just walk around
and go through your shit

Hey I'm Bo

What's up Bo?
I'm an actor so

Oh good good good
good good good

I've seen your act a lot

Really? Where?

Schmira he has that
What's that the YouTubey
thing that that

The YouTube
Yeah

George and Daisy are here?
How the hell did that happen?

I didn't think
George would come
and who invited Daisy?

I invited her

Are you still
sleeping with Daisy?

No I'm not
sleeping with Daisy!

I have a new girlfriend now
I'm dating the girl
who plays Mrs Pruitt

Her name's
Carla something

Can I sit next to
George at dinner?

Sit wherever the hell
you want to sit man why?

I feel like if I can just
make George crack up once

it'll do huge things
for me like

What you wrote
jokes for Thanksgiving?

I didn't write jokes

I just wrote down
my funniest anecdotes

and punched them up
here and there

Okay
I can't hide in the kitchen
all afternoon I'm going