高手帮我看看雅思大作文能得几分?:)

高手帮我看看雅思大作文能得几分?:)
Advertising makes people buy things that they do not really need.To what extent do you agree with this view?Write at least 250 words and you should spend 40 minutes on this task.
In this day and age,advertising is prevalent in our lives.We can see them on TV,in newspapers,on the Internet and so on.Some people think advertising makes consumers buy things that they do not really need while I do not agree this view.
The advertisement of goods can be divided into two groups:consumers buying goods they need and goods which they do not need.Some people think advertising makes them buy things without enough consideration and buy things that they do not really need.To start with the luxury (e.g.Chanel perfume,Hermes handbag,Lanvin clothings ).Most people cannot afford the price and people practically less use them in ordinary days expect in particular occasion.So the luxury lost its value.Moreover there are some inferior and deceive advertising in present day society.For instance,you can find advertising on a pole and the content is exaggerated.As a result of it said it could deal with the most terrible diseases such as AIDS,cancer,sexually related diseases and so on.These advertisements should be banned as it would undermine people’s body and psychology if they believe it and buy deceiving medicines.
On the other hand,there are a wide variety of goods we need.In the first place,cosmetics are women’s favorite goods.Specifically,the advertising companies invite a famous lovely actress to appear in the advertisement for the goods and most women are naive,they believe the goods magical effect and buy it There is no doubt that cosmetics meet women's sense of achievement.In the second place,some advertising goods help students studies.For example,in current society the widespread use of electronic studying dictionary has a significance to students.They can use it for reviewing curriculum even though they understand all knowledge.What’s more,there are another kind of goods are necessary to lives.Such as towers,mobile phones,computers and fridges.I cannot imagine our lives if we do not own them.
Personally,advertising consolidates its status as the dominant information platform.Although we cannot afford expensive stuff.Overall,I am convinced that government would be well-advised to promote supervision to alleviate unhealthy and misleading advertising
怎么不对题?

我给6分,这篇作文总体还是可以的,但是问题也有一些,比如大词用的太少,你可以看看你的文章,连4级高级单词都很少,大部分都是简单单词.其次,副词也用的很少,想上高分,副词是不可少的.加油!

感谢回答，我学习了