英语短笑话

我才初一，要求所有单词都是学过的，最重要的是“短”（好的必加）
初一！~！~！~！

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

　　Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

　　Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

　　我的狗不识字

　　布朗夫人：哦，

　　亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

　　史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

　　布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

　　Good Boy

　　Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with

　　the money I gave you yesterday?"

　　"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.

　　"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents

　　more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"

　　"She is the one who sells the candy."

　　好孩子

　　小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

　　“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

　　“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。

　　“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老

　　太太那么感兴趣呢？”

　　“她是个卖糖果的。”

　　The Perfect Son.

　　A: I have the perfect son.

　　B: Does he smoke?

　　A: No, he doesn't.

　　B: Does he drink whiskey?

　　A: No, he doesn't.

　　B: Does he ever come home late?

　　A: No, he doesn't.

　　B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?

　　A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

　　完美儿子

　　A:我有一个很完美的儿子.

　　B:他抽烟吗?

　　A:不抽.

　　B:他喝威士忌酒吗?

　　A:不喝.

　　B:他会不会很晚回家?

　　A:不会.

　　B:我想你确实有一个完美儿子. 那他多大了?

　　A:下个星期三就满6个月了.

How are you ? 怎么是你？ How old are you ?怎么还是你？

Special Pig Farmer Jones got out of his car and while heading for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he ask, "Fred, how'd that pig get him a wooden leg?" "Well Michael, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!" "And the boar tore up his leg?" "No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved 'em all!" "So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, Fred?" "No, Michael. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out 'fore I drownded. Sure did save my life." "And that was when he hurt his leg?" "Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too." "OK, Fred. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?" "Well", the farmer tells him, "A pig like that, you don't want to eat all at once."

英语幽默笑话： 一：she didn"t say anything a mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching tv in the room. suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence. the girl looked at her father and said, “it was mom”。 “how do you know?” asked her father. “she didn"t say anything.” 二：i have turned it over a woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! it"s too dirty. would you like to wash it now?” the man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “i don"t think it"s necessary. we can turn the sheet over. is that all right?” 三、40 over li lotus heart disease arises suddenly, is escorted to the hospital first aid. the condition extremely too bad, the li lotus felt oneself nearly all already died. in the rescue, the li lotus has heard god's sound suddenly: "you cannot die, you also may live for 45 years 6 months 02 days, has the courage to go on living!" certainly, the result was the li lotus miracle is revived. after the body recovers, the li lotus thought oneself also can live for more than 40 years, then □has anxiously is leaving the hospital, first repairs the face, then makes up the lip, then is the prosperous chest, finally is the thin abdomen, continuously has undergone 4 cosmetology surgeries altogether, then was called the specialized hair stylist to visit the service, changed has sent the color, has made the new tide hairstyle, the entire stature looked at □the young several years old. after last the reshaping surgery completes, the li lotus then happily handled left the hospital the procedure, □thought actually the ambulance which rapidly 驶过 by 撞死 in the entrance. after the heaven, the li lotus has been angry interrogates god: "since you had said i also may live for 45 years, then you should not eat the word." god awkwardly 耸了耸肩, replies: "really is sorry, at that time, the vehicle hit when you... ... i have not recognized am you." 英语笑话这里面有的，可以看看： http://www.sxuu.com/loveu/article/english/yyxx/200508/22000.html 英语幽默 双关歇后语：）~ http://www.sxszjzx.com/~t207/wht_2.htm teacher:why are you late for school every morning? tom:every time i come to the corner,a sign says,"school-go slow". 老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到? 汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行". do you know my work？ one night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes． two men stood outside and looked at the fire． “before i came out，” said one，“i ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． people don't think of money when they're afraid． when anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． so i took all the bills that i could find．no one will be poorer because i took them．” “you don't know my work，” said the other． “what is your work？” “i'm a policeman． “oh！” cried the first man． he thought quickly and said，“and do you know my work？”“no，”said the policeman． “i'm a writer． i'm always telling stories about things that never happened．” 译文：（自己简单翻译） 你知道我是干什么的吗？ 一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来。 两个人站在外面，看着大火。 “在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。” “你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。 “你是干什么的？” “我是警察。” “噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。 “我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。” who is the laziest father:well,jack,i talked with your teacher today .and now i want to ask you a question ,who is the laziest person inyour class ? jack:i don`t know ,father. father:oh,think!when other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word? jack:our teacher ,father. 更多的请点击参考资料链接。 谢谢！

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不识字 布朗夫人：哦， 亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！ 布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。” Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老 太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。” The Perfect Son. A: I have the perfect son. B: Does he smoke? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he drink whiskey? A: No, he doesn't. B: Does he ever come home late? A: No, he doesn't. B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A: He will be six months old next Wednesday. 完美儿子 A:我有一个很完美的儿子. B:他抽烟吗? A:不抽. B:他喝威士忌酒吗? A:不喝. B:他会不会很晚回家? A:不会. B:我想你确实有一个完美儿子. 那他多大了? A:下个星期三就满6个月了.

小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到面包房, 问:"老板,有一百个小面包么?" 老板:"真抱歉,没有那么多" "这样啊."小白兔垂头丧气地走了. 第二天,小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到面包房, "老板,有一百个小面包么?" 老板;"对不起,还是没有" "这样啊."小白兔又垂头丧气地走了. 第三天,小白兔蹦蹦跳跳到面包房. "老板,有一百个小面包么?" 老板高兴的说:"有了有了,今天有一百个小面包了!" 小白兔掏出钱:"太好了,我买两个!" The small white rabbit leap to jump bread building, Ask: "boss, have 100 small bread?" Boss: "I'm sorry, but not so much." "Yes." the small white rabbit out of spirits walked. The next day, the small white rabbit leap to jump bread building, "Boss, have 100 small bread?" The boss; "Sorry, no." "Yes." the small white rabbit out of spirits walked again. The third day, the small white rabbit leap to jump bread building. "Boss, have 100 small bread?" The boss happily say: "have had, today have 100 small bread!" The small white rabbit take out money: "too good, I buy two!" 一个记者采访100只企鹅一天都干些什么。 第一只说：吃饭、睡觉、打豆豆，第二只说：吃饭、睡觉、打豆豆。一直问了99只都如此，问到第100只说：吃饭、睡觉。 记者问：你怎么不打豆豆？企鹅哭着说：我就是豆豆 A reporter interviewed 100 penguins day stem what. The first says: eat, sleep, play the second says doug, eat, sleep, play, doug. Always asked 99 were so, only the first 100 asked said: eat, sleep. Q: why don't you play doug? Penguins cry to say: I is doug 小骆：爸爸，为什麼我们要有驼峰呢？ 驼爸：因为沙漠中没有水，有驼峰才可以储存水分啊！ 小骆：爸爸，为什麼我们要有长长的毛呢？ 驼爸：因为沙漠中风沙大，我们必须靠它阻挡风砂，才看得见啊！ 小骆：爸爸，为什麼我们要有厚厚的蹄呢？ 驼爸：因为沙漠中都是沙，这样我们才站得稳啊！ 小骆：爸爸，最后一个问题，那我们在动物园干嘛呢？ Small no-drug: dad, why should we have hump? Dad: because in the desert again without water, hump can store water! Small no-drug: dad, why should we have long woollen? Dad: because in the desert again, we must rely on sand, sand block wind it to see! Small no-drug: dad, why should we have thick hoof? Camel dad: because in the desert, so we are just stand fast! Small no-drug: dad, one last question, that we at the zoo? Why?