把我改作文：Great changes in my hometown

个位英语高手给个分数，然后把我改一下，本人高三（不好意思水平很烂，在冲刺阶段，英语更加要充实）
Great changes in my hometown
I remember when I was a child ,my hometown was only a small city, And the fields were not far from my home. So if you want ti have a good breath, you could walk to that fields for having a good breath.
Now, about 15 years ago, my hometown has great changes. For example:every fields were changed into the big buildings ,and there are more and more cars across on the street here and there. But if you want to relax and have a good breath,you’d better to find the fields from the city edge..
I’m pleased to have this developed hometown, but I’ll never forget the home which was clean and beaut before then.
一定要先给个分数，我估一下我月考的分数！谢谢！
总分就是15分！

你的作文3处较严重语法错误，字写错了2个，标点大小写错误4处，内容有待充实。第一项最多8分，第二项最多12-3-6x0.5=6，这样14分左右。（声明：我没干过老师，看下面的标准来评的，仅供参考)

高考作文评分标准：
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1． 内容要求：
A档 10分 重点明确，内容充实
B档 8分 重点明确，内容较充实
C档 6分 重点明确，但内容单薄
D档 4分 重点不明确，内容松散
E档 2分 严重离题。

2． 语言要求：
⑴ 语言表达正确，文字流畅。（12分）
⑵ 语法、措词等错误，每处扣一分，同一错误不重复扣分。
⑶ 单词拼写、标点符号、大小写等错误，每处扣0.5分，同一错误不重复扣分。
⑷ 每句扣分不超过2分
⑸ 语言分最多扣12分

3． 组织结构要求：
凡内容和语言两部分得分超过16分，词数超过120个，并符合下列条件者可加分。
(1) 凡全文的措词、句子结构、上下文连贯性等方面较出色者，可酌情加1－2分。
(2) 凡内容充实、语言正确、句子连贯、用词贴切的优秀作文，可加3分。

4． 词数要求：
词数不足120个酌情扣分；词数少于60个，总分得分最多不超过10分。

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Great changes in my hometown
==>英文标题的大小写：实词（名词、动词、代词、形容词、副词等）首字母大写，虚词（介词、冠词、连词、感叹词）首字母小写。所以这样较好：
Great Changes in My Hometown

I remember when I was a child ,my hometown was only a small city, And the fields were not far from my home.
==>包括“And the fields were not far from my home”都是remember宾语的一部分,And小写。
So if you want to have a good breath, you could walk to that fields for having a good breath.
==>建议：
1.不管是什么语言都忌重复，重复会让人不舒服。上半句下半句重复have a good breath。
2.walk的实词意味较浓，强调是用脚走，建议用go.
3.if从句用虚拟语气是从句用过去时态，主句用一般时态。
4.上文提到的东西，再次提到，用定冠词比较好。
所以建议整句改为：
So if you wanted to have a good breath, you can go to the fields for a rest.(本句只有第3条可以算是语法错误)

Now, about 15 years ago, my hometown has great changes.
==>1.Now多余。2. 语法错误：about 15 years ago是个过去的时间，要用过去时。也可以改成完成时，这样都可以：
(1).About 15 years ago, my hometown had/got great changes.
(2).Since about 15 years ago, my hometown has had/got great changes.
(3).My hometown has had/got great changes in recent 15 years.

For example:every fields were changed into the big buildings ,and there are more and more cars across on the street here and there.
==>1.For example后面的标点应该是逗号,跟汉语不同。英语跟汉语使用标点符号的规则有所不同，比如书名号《》在英语中是没有的，一般用斜体字或用引号。2.every,each后面应该用单数形式。3. 复数名词第一次提到，如果不是特指、习惯搭配,所以the big buildings前面的定冠词the建议去掉。

But (加now) if you want to relax and have a good breath,you’d better to find the fields from the city edge..
==>建议：根据上下文的意思，加now加强语气。find一般跟in搭配,from改成in较好。
语法错误：you'd better后面直接跟动词原形，不能要to.

I’m pleased to have this developed hometown, but I’ll never forget the home which was clean and beaut before then.
==>beautiful写错了。"before then"中的before多余,then可以表达“当时的”。另外，developed是“发达的”是不是改成“developing”(正在发展的)较好?
整句改为：I’m pleased to have this developing hometown, but I’ll never forget the home which was clean and beautiful then.

ti应该成it,估计这是你打错的，写的还好嘛，可是如果我是老师，你不会得高分，你没出什么新些玩意啊！作文是15分吧，打13分，反正比总分低两分

我家乡的青稞酒 我记得当我还是小孩的时候，我的家乡只是一个小城市，我家离田野不远。所以如果你想有新鲜的空气，你可以散步去田野呼吸新鲜的空气。（给我一些分吧！我已经帮你翻译这么多了。谢谢！）

Great changes in my hometown I remember when I was a child ,my hometown was only a small city(改成one), And the fields were not far from my home（改成:and the field was not far away from my home). So if you want ti have（take） a good breath, you could（如果前面用want，这里用can就行了） walk to（改成into更好） that（the） fields （for having a good breath. 可以去掉） Now, about 15 years ago（after 15 years）, my hometown has great changes（has changed a lot）. For example:every fields were（the farming area has) changed into the(去掉） big buildings ,and there are more and more cars across on the street here and there（and there are more cars running on the streets that acrossed our town). But if you want to relax and have a good breath,you’d better to (后面用不带to的不定式，记住哦！）find the fields from the city edge（on the edge of the town).. I’m pleased to have this(have this 改成be one member of this )developed(developping) hometown, but I’ll never forget the home which was clean and beaut(用形容词） before then（then 去掉）.