英语高手进来解决

　谁能帮我把下面这句话转成英语：

　打南边来了个哑巴，腰里别了个喇叭；
打北边来了个喇嘛，手里提了个獭犸。
提着獭犸的喇嘛要拿獭犸换别着喇叭的哑巴的喇叭；
别着喇叭的哑巴不愿拿喇叭换提着獭犸的喇嘛的獭犸。
不知是别着喇叭的哑巴打了提着獭犸的喇嘛一喇叭；
还是提着獭犸的喇嘛打了别着喇叭的哑巴一獭犸。
喇嘛回家炖獭犸,哑巴嘀嘀哒哒吹喇叭

The south came to play dumb, Yao Li do a one loudspeaker; hit the north came a monk, hands raised a Rex Ma. To mention the monks to bring it Rex Rex Ma Ma for the speaker mute other speakers; do not want to take the speaker mute speakers for mentioning the monks of the Rex Rex Ma Ma. I do not know Do not play dumb with speaker to mention the monks a speaker Rex Ma;, or mention the Rex Ma monks hit the speakers do not mute a Rex Ma. Lama to return home stew Rex Ma, mute trumpet Tick Tock