帮忙修改作文！！急！！！

      It should be acknowledged that money is important for people’s life. People cannot live without money.  Many people want to find a job for money.  So, a hot topic about the significance of money in a job is discussed among people. Some people said the main aim for a job is money. While others are disagree with this point. In my opinion, I wholeheartedly agree with the latter. There are some other aspects that cannot be ignored, such as encouragement and communication skills.

     At the first place, a pleasant job couldn’t exist without encouragement. However, in today’s society, a lot of people make their first choice to a job that they do not really like. Therefor, they cannot keep a job very long time , they have to change their jobs uninterrupted. Obviously, it is because those works cannot give them encouragement and interesting.  Actually, I believe everyone should to do something that they love. If someone’s job is close to his hobby, he will enjoy his work in everyday.  For example, I have a good friend.  We grow up together. She liked dance from a child.  I still remember she ever told me her dream was to become a dancer in the future. Because of this goal, she went to a professional dancing college, and practiced quite hard. Even sometime, persistent high strength practice may cause her body pain or other wound , she still can insist her dream. Now, she has won many cups in the world.  She said to me once: I’m so encouraged to my career, I will do my best.

     At the second place, an ideal job should include an available communication net. As we know, people all live in a collective world. We need to meet different people daily. Besides our family members, we also need help from our friends. But it is not very easy to know various people without some special situations. If a job can offer people a good chance to enlarge his friends circle, it should be worthy.

       Concluding two of my points above, money is not the most important part of a job, encouragement and communication influence can be more valuable.

帮忙找到至少10处要修改的地方，要结果，内容等大方向，不要像拼写，语法的小细节！

你说不要拘节于小的方面，那我就省去语法 词组之类的东西了。其实这篇文章挺好的，至少在我看来，算是比较完整的论文了。  大方向上就是你是从 communication和encouragement两个方面来说明工作并是不是完全为了钱，但是你的论述这两点的时候，又主要说了爱好的重要性，也就是对一份工作的兴趣问题，而对encouragemen的说明基本没有，那么你就可以在大点上将encouragemen改为intresting了  .最后一段可以，但是我有一种写法，你可以参考一下：Maybe   there  are  some othere reasons to explian it,but I belive both the  reasons I  have  metioned above  are  sound  and  well-groundede.

这样看来至少会大气一点，也使你的论述更具有说服力。