英语日记——帮修改下,

英语日记——帮修改下,
My workmates have gone to NanChang for a traveling trip.They got on the train to NanChang at 19 o'clock this afternoon.They will be away for 9 days,during this time,they will visit NanChang,JingGangShan,LuShan and HuangShan.Tomorrow afternoon,namely on July 8th,they will be arriving at ZhangShu .they will first visit JingGangShan and will stay there for two days.Then they will go back to NanChang and will stay there for a day.From there,they will go on to LuShan for two days' trip.The last place they will visit is HuangShan,which they have dreamed of visiting there for a lang time.On July 14th,they will get on the train to home.On July 16th,they will be arriving home and get over the exciting trip.I am one of the three person who left for keeping watch and I have not regretted it,because I will be able to keep studying English at home and have nine day's enough sleep.

Then they will go back to NanChang and will stay there for a day
a 改为one好一点．
From there,they will go on to LuShan for two days' trip
go on后要加动词ing形式的加一个visiting好一点,two days' trip
two后面要加a．
which they have dreamed of visiting there for a lang time
there可以去掉因为前面有which了,which即指代there．
大错误倒没有,但是写的不是很地道,中国式的英语．加油!