雅思作文（用雅思的标准），评分，评语，改正语法，越细越好

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared. （题目）

These two charts are compiled for the results of a survey of adult education. The bar chart illustrates the reasons why adults why adults decide to study while the pie chart demonstrates how humans think the expenditures of adult education should be shared.

As can be seen form the bar chart that there are seven reasons for study. One reason of " interest in subject " occupys the largest percentage--40%. The reason of " to meet people " takes up the smallest percentage--9%. As for the people who wants to improve prospects of promotion and enjoy learning/studying, they are accounting for a same proportion--20%. In terms of "helpful for current job" and "to be able to change jobs", 22% and 12% are made up respectively.

According to the pie chart, these are three dimensions which share the costs, the taxpayer, the individual and the employer. And they are afford 25%, 40% and 35% of the expenditures respectively.

Therefore ,it can be seen from the two charts that the reason of "interest in subject" is the main reason for people who are willing to pay most of the costs of education.是图表题，应为我没办法把图表贴上来，所以请老师帮忙看看语法，标点就好了。还有我的句子是不是过于简单了？

雅思作文评分标准从以下四个方面来评判：任务完成情况、连贯与衔接、词汇词源、语法的多样性和准确性。
　　雅思作文评分标准1. 任务完成情况
　　任务完成情况主要包括三个方面：内容(content)是否切题，立场(position)是否鲜明并得到有效阐释，结构(structure)是否有逻辑性。
　　内容如何做到切题，关键在于审题时要找准题目的主题(topic)以及针对该主题所提出的问题(topic questions)。一般来说，主题就是题目中反复出现或主句中充当主语或宾语的名词以及名词短语，而问句则通常就是我们要讨论的要点，如果要点理解有误或漏掉某个要点，则都属于没有切题。
　　关于立场，提醒考生们一定要做到鲜明，并且要非常有效的阐释清楚以下的几个内容：主题句、论点和论据。当然了，主题句一般要放在首段了，这样才能证明你是开门见山的表达你对问题的立场的，而关于论点呢，就应该有两个或者两个以上，否则你对论点的论证就显得不充分。你的例子和论据要放在论点后，而且每个论点都应该有论据支持。
　　合理的文章结构通常由三大部分组成，即引言(introduction)、主体(body)和结论(conclusion)，写4-5段比较合理。引言要涵盖主题、写作任务和主题句，主体则要包括足够的论点和论据，结论可以重申观点、提出建议或展望未来。在这里需要提醒大家一定要认真审题，许多考生在考试的时候没有看清题目要求，明明题目分析优缺点，有些同学却 写成了同意与否的题目，整篇文章走题，只能取得5分以下的分数。
　　雅思作文评分标准2. 连贯与衔接
　　文章的连贯性主要体现在段落与段落之间，句子与句子之间。
　　段落之间的“启”、“承”、“转”、“合”可通过表顺序的过渡词完成，譬如：
　　表示开始：first of all, in the first place, at the very beginning, to begin with, currently, at present, for one thing等。
　　表示承接：besides, further more, in addition, moreover, what’s more, meanwhile, apart from, as well as, similarly, in the same way等。
　　表示转折：however, whereas, while, on the contrary, in contrast, on the other hand等。
　　表示结论：in conclusion, in brief, in short, to sum up, ultimately, overall等。
　　句子之间的逻辑关系也要通过一些逻辑连词来完成，譬如：
　　表示原因：because (of ), accordingly, due to, owing to, for this reason, since, as a result, as a consequence等。
　　表达观点：in my opinion, personally, from my viewpoint, it seems to me, it is clear to me that, as far as I am concerned
　　举例说明：for example, for instance, as follows, such as, that is to say, namely, just as, in particular等。
　　表示让步：although, in spite of, despite of, despite the fact that, regardless of等。
　　建议大家可以在平日的练习中多多使用这些连词造句，不能只认识而不会使用，例如in spite of 和 despite这两个词后面只能跟短语而不能跟句子，这都是同学们在作文中常常犯的错误。
　　雅思作文评分标准3. 词汇资源
　　词汇的多少并不能决定文章的好坏，但用词的精准性是可以加分的。一般来说词汇的准确表达可以通过两个方面达到，一是在用词的难度上拔高，二是在近义词的多种表达上提升。譬如要描述一个好人，很多同学首先想到的形容词就是good, kind, wise, nice, clever, great, bright等词，而这些词往往很难出彩，因为描述太过于抽象，如果能用到诸如ambitious, tactful, eloquent, charismatic, committed之类的词就很具体了。当然，这些词需要我们平时的日积月累，不是靠一两天的功夫就可以运用自如的。还有，值得提醒的是不要认为这些词好就过分堆积，会给考官留下华而不实的感觉，正如优秀的厨师往往都不会用太多的佐料，而只需油盐就可以了。
　　雅思作文评分标准4. 语法的多样性和准确性
　　句子的好坏主要取决于句子结构的准确性和丰富性，句子的长度和复杂性以及用语的逻辑性和正式性。
　　句子结构的准确性涉及主谓一致、句子平衡性等问题，比如：The main reason for this use of informal languages are various and complicated. 这个句子不细心的同学很难发现它有问题，因为主语太长有时会忽视真正的主语其实是the main reason，是个单数形式，所以are 应该改为is. 再比如：In my opinion, use mobile phones to send messages is more convenient than write letters. 这是个很典型的错误，很多同学在写作的过程当中会误把动词或动词短语当主语用而造成句子结构的错误，而只有动词的非谓语形式才能在句中充当主语或宾语，因此，此句正确的表达应该是：In my opinion, using mobile phones to send messages is more convenient than writing letters.
　　句子结构的丰富性也是考官给分的一个亮点，好的段落应该由不同的句式组成，而不应该是千篇一律的句子结构。例如：I have many hobbies. For example, I like movies, I like playing basketball and football, and I like singing and dancing. 很明显，该句完全由“I + do”结构组成且like使用的频率过高，我们不妨做如下修改：I have many hobbies. Movies, for example, are my favorite and I am also fond of playing basketball and football. Sometimes when staying with my friends, I’d prefer singing and dancing rather than any other way of amusement.
　　句子的长度和难度是很多考生追求的目标，其实并不需要每个句子都写得很长很复杂，相反，如果整篇文章都是长难句，考官也会觉得很厌烦，就像一个人喜欢吃红烧肉，如果你天天给他吃红烧肉，他也会觉得很腻味一样，因此最好的方法就是长短句结合。
　　短句变长：即善用连接词and, but, or, yet, so等。例如：Living off campus is exciting. Living off campus is more independent. I prefer the convenience of living on campus. 不难看出，这是两种对立的观点，因此我们可以将其变为：Living off campus is exciting and more independent, but I prefer the convenience of living on campus.
　　还有比较重要的一点是不容忽视的，即用语的正式性和严谨性。实际上，在汉语中也有很多这样的例子，比如我们说：“这里人真多啊!”这就是一个典型的口语化的表达方式，而如果用“人山人海”、“车水马龙”、“摩肩接踵”等词来形容人多就是写作语言了。我们不妨看几个非正式用语的句子：Parents have to get kids food and other stuff. 此句中的kids和stuff就是两个非正式用语，如变成：Parents have to provide children with food and other necessities.就正式了。再如：People always say competitive sports are totally cool. 此句中的cool以及这个句式都是属于比较口语化的，应该变为：It is always said that competitive sports benefit us in several important ways.

英语专业学生，也考过雅思。 how humans think 改为 people As for the people who wants 改为 who want they are afford 25%, 40% and 35% 不用are 吧。 太多 “ ” 这种，或许可以用自己的话表达出来。 因为看不到图，其它都评价不了。 用词不错，表达有多样性。句子不会过于简单。 文章不错~

3.倒数第二段And they are afford. And 不能作为句首出现 4.句式可以，不算简单 5.少数错误 1楼已经指出 整体来说不错

As can be seen form the bar chart that there are seven reasons for study. One reason of " interest in subject " occupys the largest percentage--40%. 这两句太中式英语了。 The bar chart shows seven reasons for studying. 40% of the adults interviewed take courses because of interest in the subject, while nly 9% do so in order to meet people. 后面还不错。account for用一般现在时就可以了，这不是一个动作，一般不加ing。 22% and 12% are made up respectively. 这句话的语法错了。。。其实小作文中有的细节是可以不说的。比如最后两个原因你就可以省略。 these are three dimensions which share the costs, 为什么要用dimension? According to the pie chart, three groups of people share the cost. Individuals bear as much as 40% of the total, whereas taxpayers and employers only pay 25% and 35% respectively.数字最好从大到小排，有逻辑顺序，你自己改一下。 句子太简单？写复杂的句子难，写正确的句子更难。如果你简单的写不正确，就更加不要写复杂的。我支持你写这样的句子。毫不客气地说，这是我看你作文看得最快的一次。。。 最后一句总结的话可以不要。如果你先写大作文，后写小作文的话应该不够时间总结的。还不如不写。