请高手点评雅思作文 麻烦估分 并提出一些意见 谢谢

they may go astray academically, psychologically or socially. In all likelihood, it would not strengthen family ties. Independence is an importuner element of individual wellbeing. Students will be confronted the society without parents? In current society. The reasons for this trend may involve that a student who live on campus can get accustomed to independence in terms of living. Speaking for myself, I think students should live on campus, living with their classmates and teachers. Furthermore, students who live on campus may meet their parents once a week due to the less time to communicate with their families; parents could not get a clear perspective of their mind, there are many boarding schools. Some people think students should live on campus instead of living at home. This argument may be true. As a consequence, those who go to boarding schools have a better ability to deal with the problems that happened during the daily life. They tend to be more lightly to apt to the environment abounding them which is a very important factor in academic study and research, as well as giving them an advantage in terms of coping with challenges of student life. Additionally, they can utilize more time that was spending on transportation initially. On the other hand, we will be confronted with some problems of this point. It is obvious that students who choose to go to boarding schools will be far away from their parents. Youngers do not have enough ability to control themselves and cannot justify right or wrong objectively, studying and solving problems. By contrast. Do you agree or disagreeSome people think students should go to boarding schools instead of living at home

建议你直接到新东方的批改网提交一下，有外教批改，打的分也比较准
我从那改过，还不错。

"per person per year" can be used in speaking but not academic writing. you should not use "we" in academic writing as well. "the chart describe us" is a translation of chinese which has a grammar mistake. it should be "the chart tells us" but unfortunately, not in academic writing again. u may use "the chart shows that the trend of travelling more often than before...... what do u mean "as the car saw a dramatic growth"? i guess it's another grammar mistake. "in sum" should be "in conculsion" or "in summary". generally speaking, your essay is not bad but it should not be scored over 6. one of the reason is that you just list all the figures rather than comparing them. for example, it would be much better if you said "taxi is more popular because its recent figure is more than 3 times than the previous one." the other reason is you didn't point out the trend that people prefer to go further. that's why the usage of car, long distance bus and taxi increases but walking and bicycle drops. i suggest that you should spend 2-3 mimutes to analyse and find out the relationship between the figures first. then you can start writing. practicing more helps you to improve your writing skill. good luck and fighting!