请指正英语作文Spring Festival Gala on CCTV

请指正英语作文Spring Festival Gala on CCTV
Spring Festival Gala on CCTV (2006年12月 四级真题）
1.许多人喜欢在除夕观看春节晚会.
2.有些人提出取消春节晚会.
3.我的看法.
Spring Festival Gala on CCTV
With the development of science and technology ,more and more galas come to our life ,one of which is the spring festival gala on CCTT——a large number Chinese watch on Spring Festival Eve.
Recently ,the argument of whether or not to remain the spring festival gala on CCTV has brought to public focus and debate .Some body hold the idea that Spring Festival Gala do not go on ,and the reason as follow :firstly and the most importantly ,the performance can’t satisfy the desire of people which come from different areas ,races and cultures .Then the gala spend too much time and money..
As far as I am concerned,whether it is good or not depends on how we look at it .In my opinion ,just as the water is to fish,so is gala on CCTV to Spring Festival ,the gala has get into the life ,and the Spring Festival Gala should be go on.

看的出来,Lz是知道有模板这么回事的,并且很努力地在用模板了,但是问题还是很多,批评可能有点严厉,但是相信lz是为了更好完善作文才贴这篇作文的,这种勇气就很值得赞叹了,值得表扬!废话少说,下面详细论述
1.With the development of science and technology ,more and more galas come to our life ,one of which is the spring festival gala on CCTT
开头这一段是虽然是模板里的套话,但也要写的有点新意,科学和技术的发展和 Gala没有必然的联系 Lz你这是把套话硬套在这篇作文的开头了,真正的四级考官看了只会厌烦!
这类作文问题我回答的很多,我一直强调模板可以用,但是一定要形成自己的风格.我的开头如下：
since the dawn（黎明） of 21st century,various of galas have been a symbol of the modernization and civilization（文明化） in a number of countries.for example,the Spring Festival Gala on CCTV,and surely it has the potential to bring about a great deal of advances.
这个开头第一句直接切入主题,说到各种各样的gala已经成为现代化和文明化的标志,下面马上引到CCTV的春晚,并且肯定它是有很多positive方面的
四级作文开头讲究简洁明快,直奔主题,不要因为模板而显得罗里罗嗦,还和主题扯不上任何关系,你的开头就犯了这个错误.
2.作文第一条就有要求,.许多人喜欢在除夕观看春节晚会.这一点你写了么?很明显你没写,这就是严重的漏题!可能你一时没想到这个论点能写到什么,所以避重就轻直接提到后面的negative方面,你省掉了positive方面,那么很好,作为考官我也可以给你减个20分,总共要写1 2 3 点 你省一个我减20分不为过吧?
这一段怎么写,因为看的出你是想把作文重心放在说人们想取消的上面,那么可以写的简单点,直接描述除夕你和一家人在看春晚,气氛很团圆很温馨（其实这几年我都没看过 大家知道就那么回事）就ok了,但绝不是避而不谈!
as the parts above I said ,some people like it ,in my opinion,because Spring Festival Gala on CCTV provides a platform for people to get together and enjoy their family -life,for instance,every year,my family and I always enjoy the gorgeous（华丽的） clothes and wonderful sing and dance performance,they free us from the grind of daily routine(日常琐事).
后面一段便可以接上你的论述
nevertheless,Some body hold the idea that Spring Festival Gala do not go on ,and the reason as follow :firstly and the most importantly ,the performance can’t satisfy the desire of people which come from different areas ,races and cultures .Then the gala spend too much time and money.（这一段基本写的还可以,只是那个firstly and the most importantly ,我看的要吐了,是人都用个这么东西,太常见了,用foremost也好一点）
最后一段,写自己的观点,在我看来是写最好的了,模板用的也很恰当（我四六级,甚至考ielts时也是这么写的……）基本没什么问题
综上,lz你的作文,后半部分没什么问题,开头要注意!开头一定要写的出彩,要吸引考官的眼球!大词（什么是大词……最简单的定义 长度接近10个字母的,词根经过几次衍生变化的就是大词）和复杂的句式往上堆没关系,但千万别生拉硬扯,要用的恰到好处.
其次 论点要充分 想不到就来个 for example 至少能扯几十个单词
最好 祝四六级顺利 早考早甩掉这个包袱!