LONELINESS怎么样

LONELINESS怎么样

1. The powerful effects of loneliness stem from the interplay of three complex factors that I want to explore with you in depth. These are: a) Level of vulnerability to social disconnection. Our level of vulnerability to feeling disconnected is in part at the mercy of our genes. b) Ability to self-regulate the emotions associated with feeling isolated. c) Mental representations and expectations of, as well as reasoning about, others. 2. When we are persistently lonely, this dual influence-higher sensitivity, less accuracy-can leave us misconstruing social signals that others do not even detect, or if they detect, interpret quite differently. What makes loneliness especially insidious is that it contains this Catch-22: Real relief from loneliness requires the cooperation of at least one other person, and yet the more chronic our loneliness becomes, the less equipped we may be to entice such cooperation. 3. Social disconnection not only whetted the appetite for fattening food, it appeared to make the cookies taste better: Most of the participants who had been primed to feel excluded rated the cookies more favorably on taste than did the socially accepted tasters. Social isolation deprives us of both our feeling of tribal connection and our sense of purpose. 4. A s a sociologist, Weiss observed that feeling excluded increases a person's motivation to make new friends, to create a positive impression on unfamiliar others, to work with others, and to view others more favorably than they might actually merit. But when the desire to affiliate becomes thwarted, prolonged feelings of social disconnection turn the positive impulses toward the negative. 5 The Chemistry of Connection. Oxytocin's partner is vasopressin. a hormone that contributes to social bonding and in males stimulates aggression toward other males. Vasopressin makes female laboratory rats afraid of strangers, including young rats not their own. Oxytocin aids social regulation by being the chemical of calm. We speak of loneliness sometimes as being "out in the cold," and of the feeling we get from satisfying social connections as "warmth." Oxytocin creates literal warmth between creatures, in part, by redi recting warmth from one body region to another. Breastfeeding infants show increased blood flow in their hands and feet. The warmer the mother, the warmer the baby's feet. Eating serves as a kind of internal massage that also stimulates the release of oxytocin. In a similar vein, moderate amounts of alcohol increase the concen tration of oxytocin in the blood, contributing to the conviviality of social drinkers. High amounts of alcohol have the opposite effect, which may contribute to the belligerence and antisocial behavior of obnoxious drunks. 6. The higher the par ticipants' level of loneliness, the less accurate their interpretation of the facial expressions. This finding aligns with self-reports in which lonely individuals said that they found positive social interactions to be less of an uplift than did their nonlonely counterparts. Lonely individuals paid far more attention to the negative images depicting people. Studies show that truly enjoying these positives and making the most of them is even more important to the health of a marriage or other intimate relationship than being supportive during hard times. Sharing the joy in your partner's promotion, it seems, actually can be more important than being attentive when she gets passed over. Similarly, another study showed that when it comes to problem solving within a marriage, remaining cheerful and pleasant in outlook-even when that cheer f ulness is combined with less than perfect communication skills was far more predictive of keeping your partner happy than was being a grump who somehow manages to do or say exactly the right thing. 7. Conflicted by nature. Loneliness, as we have seen, is a great enabler of such conflicts, causing us to seek warmth and companionship while at the same time allowing fearful perceptions to make us harsh and critical toward those we wish to be near. 8 However, lonely players accepted more unfair offers than did nonlonely players. They went along more often when their part ner treated them unfairly, even though both lonely and nonlonely players rated the offers as equally and profoundly unfair. 9. Being drawn to someone's physical appearance or status is not a good basis for a deep connection. Compatibility and sustain ability depend far more on such things as common beliefs and being at compatible stages in life. When it comes to dating and marital success, the data show that similarity ("birds of a feather flock together") trumps complementarity ("opposites attract").

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